Look at Cap'n Jack Sparrow! He is everything men want to be and let's face it...everything women want!
That's it...I am buying a hat, sword and some swashbuckling boots!
Arrr!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
I wanna be a Pirate
Alright...enough with being the mild mannered and well respected guy! I WANNA BE A PIRATE!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Where has all the happiness gone?
Have you ever noticed that sometime around the end of January people just start getting grumpy? It seems that as the winter rolls on, even in the South, people just start to get tired of eachother and of the general way of things and start arguing, snapping at and griping at eachother. It would appear that we need Spring to arrive soon, because people just aren't happy in the Winter. Oh sure...up North...there is always that magical time with the first snowfall, but I here that about now, people are just sick and tired of it. I guess that is one advantage to mid-western Florida...no snow.
However, even here we have had a lot of cold days (ok...compared to where my buddy Ergo lives it isn't cold but for here it was downright frigid!) We have actually gotten frost on the cars lately and I am just not liking it one bit. If for no other reason than one of my kids HATES when he has to change his clothes for the cold weather ones. He hates wearing sleeves and despite trying to find sweatshirts without cuffs, he still has a total meltdown at the mere suggestion of long sleeve shirts...let alone a coat. Not all autistic kids have this issue but mine sure does. He does not like changes to anything in his day to day routine. Now...after many weeks of cold temps...he is adjusting but still having fits, but atleast I do not have to hog tie him to get his warmer clothes on now. Of course, the downside to this advancement is that once he settles into it....it will be hot again and I will then have to change him back to short sleeves...and we will have this drama all over again. It is a vicious cycle my friends...yes sir...good times. (Insert sarcasm here!)
Beyond that, I have found that there is one happy thing about the cold...hot chocolate! It is being served a lot more around here and for that...I am Kind Dad Supreme-O! LOL!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
FAVORITE HOLIDAY TV SPECIALS
Topic for Class Discussion:
What is your favorite Christmas-time TV Special??
Mine: Miracle On 34th Street! Yes..old AND new! I am sorry...I am sucker for all those movies that remind us to BELIEVE!
How about you???
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
When all else fails...disappear...for a while
I am not sure if I have one reader or more than one, but either way...my apologies for disappearing. I have been thru some ups and downs as of late and it was just easier to sit back, regroup and re-evaluate. Unfortunately, I could not wrap my head around the whole situation enough to actually write about it. So much is so very complicated and for a while, it was easier to just mull it over and just catch up on the reading of others blogs and to get my head on straight.
SO...here is is nearly two months later. Time flies as they say.
I guess I will start of slowly and give a bit of what I have been dealing with.
For quite some time, I have had to fight the difficult and somewhat surreal battle of being divorced. There are times when things seemed to be on the mend and the hope of being able to be around eachother without security forces was in sight. Then there were other times that it has felt as if we were not only back to square 1 but oh so far behind it.
I have found that even when the courts get involved and a marriage ends, there is no such thing as being totally divorced from that person when kids are involved. Sure...we move on with other relationships, and we each find a way to parent the kids without the other, but you are never totally rid of them. Whether you disagree on school decisions, holidays, doctors, child support or when it is best to call, you will have to deal with that other person for the long haul. You created human beings together and therefore are irrevocably tied to one another...like it or not. You see your old spouse in the children and it evokes both happiness at the rememberance of the good times and sadness and even anger at the bad. It is an odd feeling to look at your child, to love them with all you have and yet regret seeing that other person staring back out at you in their features, like their eyes or their smile...etc.
I have found that the more I learn about my Ex the more I dislike the old ball and chain. It seems that as of late, I can not remember one single reason why I ever felt like the sun and moon hung over this person! How their ability to make me laugh fixed so much for so long (and then their ability to break my heart has destroyed most of those feelings).
I am angry again. I am deeply angry. Just when I thought I had found the way thru and forgiven and found peace....the other half did something that I never thought they would and now I feel betrayed and disappointed beyond belief. It shakes you to your core when you spend YEARS with someone who you thought you knew was incapable of such behaviors, only to realize...you did not know this person at all.
I have read other blogs as of late about forgiveness and giving and it made me wonder something. WHAT IF the other person does not ask for the forgiveness? What if the other person is just happy to treat the other like crap and think that it is ok? What if the other person is so good about preaching about doing the right things but does not live by that word? What do you do with people who say they have given forgiveness but it is not really in their hearts and just a way to act like they are doing the right thing (when deep down...they are still just as angry and vindictive and there truly is not ANY forgiveness)?? What if you try and try to make this work and try to get the other person to do the right thing...and all they do is throw it in your face that they will do what they feel like...damned the consequences to everyone...including the kids?? What do you do when the other person is totally self centered and does not see past their own desires?
I do not think my old battleaxe is ever going to do what is right and therefore...where do you go from here???
Friday, September 19, 2008
Beware of words and their direction!
Well, I am not sure how many readers I have (I suppose I need one of those fancy dot map things that Lemon has) but I have several that I read religiously. One of my favorite writers is actually a couple (with seperate but tied in harmony blogs) from up North (that's right...their Yankees!)
ANYWAY...not so long ago Cap'n Lemon-Ergo (not sure what you go by these days...LOL) and his girl Spooky have been going thru a lot and posted about it. Me being the curious one, just had to open my big keyboard and ask many (too many) questions to try and understand better. Well, this set off an avalanche of events which led to some miscommunication and hard feelings. I feel awful about that.
You see, in cyberspace we have the ability to find friends that would otherwise never cross our paths. It is almost like taking a detour off of the road of Destiny and taking a chance. Sometimes, however, we have to remember that while we control this detour, we must remember that on the other end of that internet connection is someone else...a human...who has their own destiny and all its luggage to boot.
I quickly learned, that in this blogosphere, that it is sometimes better to wait patiently for a story to unfold and let the other person, who we may have considered a cyber friend, to decide the pace at which to tell a story and sometimes you need to not ask...but listen/read.
I am happy to say that in the end, we were able to regroup, reconnect and rewrite what was once a bloody awful mess, and it looks like we are going to be having lots more of those great stories and tales. I for one need to do more postings...but I am still getting my feet wet and I hope someday, perhaps, that I may have a big fat juicy red dot map too!!
ANYWAY...not so long ago Cap'n Lemon-Ergo (not sure what you go by these days...LOL) and his girl Spooky have been going thru a lot and posted about it. Me being the curious one, just had to open my big keyboard and ask many (too many) questions to try and understand better. Well, this set off an avalanche of events which led to some miscommunication and hard feelings. I feel awful about that.
You see, in cyberspace we have the ability to find friends that would otherwise never cross our paths. It is almost like taking a detour off of the road of Destiny and taking a chance. Sometimes, however, we have to remember that while we control this detour, we must remember that on the other end of that internet connection is someone else...a human...who has their own destiny and all its luggage to boot.
I quickly learned, that in this blogosphere, that it is sometimes better to wait patiently for a story to unfold and let the other person, who we may have considered a cyber friend, to decide the pace at which to tell a story and sometimes you need to not ask...but listen/read.
I am happy to say that in the end, we were able to regroup, reconnect and rewrite what was once a bloody awful mess, and it looks like we are going to be having lots more of those great stories and tales. I for one need to do more postings...but I am still getting my feet wet and I hope someday, perhaps, that I may have a big fat juicy red dot map too!!
Monday, August 11, 2008
*sigh*.... if only
Well, at the suggestion of my blog-buddy Lemon, I am going to wax eloquent (ok...probably choppy and out of order) about my ex. Here we go!
There was a girl. There was a boy. They fell in love (and fell in bed) and then decided it was a good idea to get married. Along came a kid or two or three, and one with disabilities (HELP...someone stop me...I AM RHYMING!)
My ex and I were soul mates. I truly believe that. Sure we had some key differences (religion, upbringing, and how we approached the world) but the core of our souls...they were a match. We were happy for a long time, and made eachother laugh like crazy and could fall asleep in eachothers arms and sleep that way all night. Being together was fun, easy and we were happy.
Then we had kids. NOW..do not get me wrong...because I LOVE my kids... but having them changes a lot. I have to admit, at first it was all fun and an adventure (watch out for boys in diapers...they have amazing aim!) but it started an almost imperceptable shift in our relationship. I have to admit, at times, I was a little jealous of how much my wife loved the baby (and others to follow) but I understood it. I guess I was just used to being her one and only and along comes a lump of cute little giggly baby-ness and now I have to share...let alone struggle for any attention.
As many of you surely know, it eventually evens out and you get into the swing of things and become a family and life is good again. But then you have one more and one more. Now you are lucky to even be looked at by your wife and usually it is in a plea for help with the kids. We tried to go out and leave the kids with sitters or family but that was rare. We still had the token relations if you know what I mean...and they were great (they always were with us) but this too fell to the wayside with all the demands of the kids and life.
NOW...add to the the pressure of finding out that one of your kids is just a little different. Now realize that he is VERY different and autistic and now he needs a lot of extra care and attention. Add to this a whirlwind of doctors, therapists, meetings with schools and whatnot...all while still trying to lead a "normal" life.....do you see where we are heading.
It is the same old story...we drifted apart. Not because of a lack of love...but a lack of time. Time for eachother. Time alone. Time to remember why we fell in love. Yes, there have been times I felt like I hated her (esp. during the divorce) but I think back now and realize I was angry at the love that was lost (or being ignored thru the anger) and I was angry because I gave up. I took it out on her that we stopped trying. I have to admit...I played the blame game. It was easy to blame her. SHE stopped paying attention to me. SHE stopped making me feel loved. SHE took me for granted. SHE only wanted me around to be Dad and SHE did not want me as a lover anymore. I was so very angry and rejected.
But.....
Then I stopped one day not to long ago, and I had an epiphany. *I* stopped paying attention to her. *I* did not try anymore to make her feel loved. *I* stopped thinking of her as my lover and she was the Mother of My Children. I rejected her and made her angry. I realized that BOTH of us got lost in the every day business of being parents and a family and lost US!
Why did I not try harder to show her I cared? Why did I not try harder to let her know I still loved her more than words? Why did I not try harder to make love to her whenever we had a moment? Why did I not buy her flowers or a single rose...just because. Why didn't I tell her every day how amazing I thought she was for being such a great Mom and for how hard she fought for our son to get everything he needed?? WHY DID I STOP TRYING????????
I wonder if I will ever stop regretting not trying. I sometimes wonder what would happen if I tried again. Does she wonder too? There are those moments when she seems to reach out to me and I wonder....is there hope after all this time? Then...my stubborn male mind kicks in and says..."Don't try it Jack. Better to leave things alone. Don't put yourself out there to get chopped down man!"
*SIGH*.......... Some say it is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. I hate that bastard that said they. He was full of shit!
There was a girl. There was a boy. They fell in love (and fell in bed) and then decided it was a good idea to get married. Along came a kid or two or three, and one with disabilities (HELP...someone stop me...I AM RHYMING!)
My ex and I were soul mates. I truly believe that. Sure we had some key differences (religion, upbringing, and how we approached the world) but the core of our souls...they were a match. We were happy for a long time, and made eachother laugh like crazy and could fall asleep in eachothers arms and sleep that way all night. Being together was fun, easy and we were happy.
Then we had kids. NOW..do not get me wrong...because I LOVE my kids... but having them changes a lot. I have to admit, at first it was all fun and an adventure (watch out for boys in diapers...they have amazing aim!) but it started an almost imperceptable shift in our relationship. I have to admit, at times, I was a little jealous of how much my wife loved the baby (and others to follow) but I understood it. I guess I was just used to being her one and only and along comes a lump of cute little giggly baby-ness and now I have to share...let alone struggle for any attention.
As many of you surely know, it eventually evens out and you get into the swing of things and become a family and life is good again. But then you have one more and one more. Now you are lucky to even be looked at by your wife and usually it is in a plea for help with the kids. We tried to go out and leave the kids with sitters or family but that was rare. We still had the token relations if you know what I mean...and they were great (they always were with us) but this too fell to the wayside with all the demands of the kids and life.
NOW...add to the the pressure of finding out that one of your kids is just a little different. Now realize that he is VERY different and autistic and now he needs a lot of extra care and attention. Add to this a whirlwind of doctors, therapists, meetings with schools and whatnot...all while still trying to lead a "normal" life.....do you see where we are heading.
It is the same old story...we drifted apart. Not because of a lack of love...but a lack of time. Time for eachother. Time alone. Time to remember why we fell in love. Yes, there have been times I felt like I hated her (esp. during the divorce) but I think back now and realize I was angry at the love that was lost (or being ignored thru the anger) and I was angry because I gave up. I took it out on her that we stopped trying. I have to admit...I played the blame game. It was easy to blame her. SHE stopped paying attention to me. SHE stopped making me feel loved. SHE took me for granted. SHE only wanted me around to be Dad and SHE did not want me as a lover anymore. I was so very angry and rejected.
But.....
Then I stopped one day not to long ago, and I had an epiphany. *I* stopped paying attention to her. *I* did not try anymore to make her feel loved. *I* stopped thinking of her as my lover and she was the Mother of My Children. I rejected her and made her angry. I realized that BOTH of us got lost in the every day business of being parents and a family and lost US!
Why did I not try harder to show her I cared? Why did I not try harder to let her know I still loved her more than words? Why did I not try harder to make love to her whenever we had a moment? Why did I not buy her flowers or a single rose...just because. Why didn't I tell her every day how amazing I thought she was for being such a great Mom and for how hard she fought for our son to get everything he needed?? WHY DID I STOP TRYING????????
I wonder if I will ever stop regretting not trying. I sometimes wonder what would happen if I tried again. Does she wonder too? There are those moments when she seems to reach out to me and I wonder....is there hope after all this time? Then...my stubborn male mind kicks in and says..."Don't try it Jack. Better to leave things alone. Don't put yourself out there to get chopped down man!"
*SIGH*.......... Some say it is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. I hate that bastard that said they. He was full of shit!
Saturday, August 9, 2008
The lashing may now begin!
OK...OK...I have been a bad blogger! Let the beatings now begin!
I admit it...I let my blog fall to the wayside this summer.
Well, I have to say that in the big scheme of things, that while I sometimes have a lot to share, it is often hard to find the time (and sometimes energy) to get online and post.
UPDATE:
We are in the backend of summer here. It has been a lot of fun for me. I have saved up a bit of vacation and sick days, and cashed those puppies in for some extra time with my kids so we could spend more time together. The old saying is true, and you really have to appreciate the time with your kids while they are still young. I have gotten to spend some great times with the kids this summer (and HEY! My kid with ASD is talking so much more! God...I can not be happier to have been there when THAT started happening!!)
My oldest: He has gotten into the full fledged independent thing and wants to "hang out with the guys" all the time. The guys being a bunch of other boys that all like to go to the pool, dig up various creatures and bugs and use them for pranks (the Princess has been the unhappy victim to more than one creepy-crawly) and also to play ball and Xbox. You can imagine that he has been happier than a pig in S&%t with having all this time this summer! Awww...to be young!
My middle: Wow...what can I say...it is AMAZING to hear your kid talk when you wait SO long for it! He is actually putting some words together and getting his wants and needs across and the look of pride on his face when WE understand HIM...WOW!! I know some parents of "normal" kids may not get this, but this has been an amazing thing. I have spent MANY hours this summer working on his words with him and to see it pay off... well, there is no amount of money in the world that can replace that!
The Princess: Well, she has actually wanted MORE time with Dad this summer. She is my little sidekick and wants me to do everything with her. I must admit that I have been in attendence at more than one Tea Party and played with dolls this summer (and have to admit....it was fun!) It amazes me how nurturing girls are at such a young age. It makes me believe that it really is a built in system.
The Ex: Well, we got past the issues about Disney and time off of school...etc. I think we both harbor some resentment towards eachother but the other problem is that (without getting too far into it) we both ended things because we had drifted apart but there was still love there. This is hard for me to admit, because let's face it, it is easier to just say you hate the old ball and chain, but I must admit that I still loved her and did not allow myself to feel it (it was easier to convince myself that it was dead and gone) and I have wondered, on more than one occasion if we had not been so rash about the decision to divorce, if I had not left, if I had fought to try, IF we would have worked it out. *SIGH* I guess we will never know. Regrets suck!
ANYWAY... as I said... I took extra time off this summer and have just filled it to the brim with my kids. I will NEVER forget this summer. I will never forget the laughs, the picnics, the trips to fun places, and the hugs at the end of the days. God...I am going to miss those when we go back to the school year schedule. I could not make it without seeing my kids! They are growing and changing so fast and I can not imagine missing any more than I already do! (Ok...I know...too schmaltzy...but it is true.)
I will admit one thing I will NOT miss.... SAND IN LAUNDRY!! LOL! These kids get sand in clothes that you never find until it is a mess in the laundry room! Ok...so I have one thing I will gladly see go at the end of summer! There ya go!
I admit it...I let my blog fall to the wayside this summer.
Well, I have to say that in the big scheme of things, that while I sometimes have a lot to share, it is often hard to find the time (and sometimes energy) to get online and post.
UPDATE:
We are in the backend of summer here. It has been a lot of fun for me. I have saved up a bit of vacation and sick days, and cashed those puppies in for some extra time with my kids so we could spend more time together. The old saying is true, and you really have to appreciate the time with your kids while they are still young. I have gotten to spend some great times with the kids this summer (and HEY! My kid with ASD is talking so much more! God...I can not be happier to have been there when THAT started happening!!)
My oldest: He has gotten into the full fledged independent thing and wants to "hang out with the guys" all the time. The guys being a bunch of other boys that all like to go to the pool, dig up various creatures and bugs and use them for pranks (the Princess has been the unhappy victim to more than one creepy-crawly) and also to play ball and Xbox. You can imagine that he has been happier than a pig in S&%t with having all this time this summer! Awww...to be young!
My middle: Wow...what can I say...it is AMAZING to hear your kid talk when you wait SO long for it! He is actually putting some words together and getting his wants and needs across and the look of pride on his face when WE understand HIM...WOW!! I know some parents of "normal" kids may not get this, but this has been an amazing thing. I have spent MANY hours this summer working on his words with him and to see it pay off... well, there is no amount of money in the world that can replace that!
The Princess: Well, she has actually wanted MORE time with Dad this summer. She is my little sidekick and wants me to do everything with her. I must admit that I have been in attendence at more than one Tea Party and played with dolls this summer (and have to admit....it was fun!) It amazes me how nurturing girls are at such a young age. It makes me believe that it really is a built in system.
The Ex: Well, we got past the issues about Disney and time off of school...etc. I think we both harbor some resentment towards eachother but the other problem is that (without getting too far into it) we both ended things because we had drifted apart but there was still love there. This is hard for me to admit, because let's face it, it is easier to just say you hate the old ball and chain, but I must admit that I still loved her and did not allow myself to feel it (it was easier to convince myself that it was dead and gone) and I have wondered, on more than one occasion if we had not been so rash about the decision to divorce, if I had not left, if I had fought to try, IF we would have worked it out. *SIGH* I guess we will never know. Regrets suck!
ANYWAY... as I said... I took extra time off this summer and have just filled it to the brim with my kids. I will NEVER forget this summer. I will never forget the laughs, the picnics, the trips to fun places, and the hugs at the end of the days. God...I am going to miss those when we go back to the school year schedule. I could not make it without seeing my kids! They are growing and changing so fast and I can not imagine missing any more than I already do! (Ok...I know...too schmaltzy...but it is true.)
I will admit one thing I will NOT miss.... SAND IN LAUNDRY!! LOL! These kids get sand in clothes that you never find until it is a mess in the laundry room! Ok...so I have one thing I will gladly see go at the end of summer! There ya go!
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