What was lost is found again

So nowadays, I smile a bit brighter...laugh a bit louder...and love a lot more!

That's right folks...I have found love again. Curiously enough, I had found it before but not appreciated the attraction at the time. You see, I am falling in love all over again with one of my old high school "sweethearts" who I found again recently. It is ironic, but I had a short and intense relationship with this person, and while it was short lived, it is burned unequivicably into my memories, as it was intense and passionate and had a lot of potential that was just never realized.

Why was it never realized, you ask? Well...let's face it...we all find romance when we are young. We often meet someone, find them fun to be around and sometimes, even hot and easy on the eyes. You kiss, you makeout...and sometimes more. You think the world is at your fingertips and you can do anything. But for one reason or another...you just did not make it or go where ya thought you would. Maybe it is because you moved. Maybe it is because two weeks later, you met someone else who set your "soul on Fire!" Maybe the other person liked you, but did not know how to say it and they just backed away. Maybe you were just young and dumb and did not know a good thing because you were young and dumb.

ANYWAY...so I meet up with my old sweetie and surprise, surprise...there is still something there. In fact, it is even more intense than ever before. Could it be? How did something that fizzled out long ago, maintain some of the flame for 20 some odd years?

As it turns out I thought of them, as much as they thought of me. Many of the feeling that should have catapulted us further in relationship status were there but apparently we both scared ourselves and never did anything more about it. There was, dare I say...love there....but we were too young to figure it out and let it slip away.

SO...here we are many moons later and I have to wonder....what would have it been like had we been brave and gone for it? What path would my life have taken? Would it have spared me the pain of my divorce and other failed relationships? But then, I remember the GOOD things that came from the path my life took (mostly my kids) and I know I would not trade the good to rid my memory of the bad.

HOWEVER....just think of the new future that lays ahead...tested but never proven and all full of the newest possibilities! Not to mention I am doing something I have not done in YEARS....finding songs that remind me of how I feel about her! GAH! Could I be any more pathetic?!?!





Yep....I am a fool in love and I am as sappy happy as they come ! (Just please...don't tell the other guys...I would not want to ruin my rep! LOL!)

Goodbye Mr Harvey

It was a sad day in history yesterday,  as the world lost one of the great radio personalities. 

Goodbye Mr. Harvey! We will miss your voice!

My Princess scared me this morning

Once in a while you have a  conversation with your child that just scares the ever-loving shit outta ya. I have always been one to want my daughter to be independent and to grow up to be her own woman...so this mornings conversation shook my psyche to the core. I hope this is not an indication of her future and what she expects outta life!

Me: "Princess...time to get ready for school"

Princess: "Not now Daddy...I'm busy"

Me: "But it is getting to be time to go...better hurry up"

Princess: "But I'm busy"

Me: "What are you doing?"

Princess: "I am looking for my Prince" -(a male doll)

Me: "Well...you will have to find him later. Life is just going to have to go on without the Prince"

Princess: "Daddy....if I do not find my Prince...I will not be able to go on. I need my Prince!"

Me: "You will be ok. You do not need the Prince right now. You can find him later."

Princess: "Later is not good enough! I NEED MY PRINCE NOW!"

Man......I am afraid that this does not bode well for the future. What are we teaching out little girls!??? This is exactly why women get all hyped up about finding Mr. Right and end up settling for Mr. Right Now....cuz they just HAVE to have their Prince RIGHT NOW!!

UGH!

I wanna be a Pirate

Alright...enough with being the mild mannered and well respected guy! I WANNA BE A PIRATE!

Look at Cap'n Jack Sparrow! He is everything men want to be and let's face it...everything women want!

That's it...I am buying a hat, sword and some swashbuckling boots!

Arrr!

Where has all the happiness gone?

Have you ever noticed that sometime around the end of January people just start getting grumpy? It seems that as the winter rolls on, even in the South, people just start to get tired of eachother and of the general way of things and start arguing, snapping at and griping at eachother. It would appear that we need Spring to arrive soon, because people just aren't happy in the Winter. Oh sure...up North...there is always that magical time with the first snowfall, but I here that about now, people are just sick and tired of it. I guess that is one advantage to mid-western Florida...no snow. 

However, even here we have had a lot of cold days (ok...compared to where my buddy Ergo lives it isn't cold but for here it was downright frigid!) We have actually gotten frost on the cars lately and I am just not liking it one bit. If for no other reason than one of my kids HATES when he has to change his clothes for the cold weather ones. He hates wearing sleeves and despite trying to find sweatshirts without cuffs, he still has a total meltdown at the mere suggestion of long sleeve shirts...let alone a coat. Not all autistic kids have this issue but mine sure does. He does not like changes to anything in his day to day routine. Now...after many weeks of cold temps...he is adjusting but still having fits, but atleast I do not have to hog tie him to get his warmer clothes on now. Of course, the downside to this advancement is that once he settles into it....it will be hot again and I will then have to change him back to short sleeves...and we will have this drama all over again. It is a vicious cycle my friends...yes sir...good times. (Insert sarcasm here!)

Beyond that, I have found that there is one happy thing about the cold...hot chocolate! It is being served a lot more around here and for that...I am Kind Dad Supreme-O! LOL!

FAVORITE HOLIDAY TV SPECIALS

Topic for Class Discussion:

What is your favorite Christmas-time TV Special??

Mine: Miracle On 34th Street! Yes..old AND new! I am sorry...I am sucker for all those movies that remind us to BELIEVE!

How about you???

When all else fails...disappear...for a while

I am not sure if I have one reader or more than one, but either way...my apologies for disappearing. I have been thru some ups and downs as of late and it was just easier to sit back, regroup and re-evaluate. Unfortunately, I could not wrap my head around the whole situation enough to actually write about it. So much is so very complicated and for a while, it was easier to just mull it over and just catch up on the reading of others blogs and to get my head on straight.

SO...here is is nearly two months later. Time flies as they say.

I guess I will start of slowly and give a bit of what I have been dealing with. 

For quite some time, I have had to fight the difficult and somewhat surreal battle of being divorced. There are times when things seemed to be on the mend and the hope of being able to be around eachother without security forces was in sight.  Then there were other times that it has felt as if we were not only back to square 1 but oh so far behind it.

I have found that even when the courts get involved and a marriage ends, there is no such thing as being totally divorced from that person when kids are involved. Sure...we move on with other relationships, and we each find a way to parent the kids without the other, but you are never totally rid of them. Whether you disagree on school decisions, holidays, doctors, child support or when it is best to call, you will have to deal with that other person for the long haul. You created human beings together and therefore are irrevocably tied to one another...like it or not. You see your old spouse in the children and it evokes both happiness at the rememberance of the good times and sadness and even anger at the bad. It is an odd feeling to look at your child, to love them with all you have and yet regret seeing that other person staring back out at you in their features, like their eyes or their smile...etc.

I have found that the more I learn about my Ex the more I dislike the old ball and chain. It seems that as of late, I can not remember one single reason why I ever felt like the sun and moon hung over this person! How their ability to make me laugh fixed so much for so long (and then their ability to break my heart has destroyed most of those feelings).

I am angry again. I am deeply angry. Just when I thought I had found the way thru and forgiven and found peace....the other half did something that I never thought they would and now I feel betrayed and disappointed beyond belief. It shakes you to your core when you spend YEARS with someone who you thought you knew was incapable of such behaviors, only to realize...you did not know this person at all. 

I have read other blogs as of late about forgiveness and giving and it made me wonder something. WHAT IF the other person does not ask for the forgiveness? What if the other person is just happy to treat the other like crap and think that it is ok? What if the other person is so good about preaching about doing the right things but does not live by that word? What do you do with people who say they have given forgiveness but it is not really in their hearts and just a way to act like they are doing the right thing (when deep down...they are still just as angry and vindictive and there truly is not ANY forgiveness)?? What if you try and try to make this work and try to get the other person to do the right thing...and all they do is throw it in your face that they will do what they feel like...damned the consequences to everyone...including the kids?? What do you do when the other person is totally self centered and does not see past their own desires?

I do not think my old battleaxe is ever going to do what is right and therefore...where do you go from here???